The Challenging Art of Doing Nothing

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." - Bill Watterson

     A friend said recently:  "You sure like to be busy." 

     "No I don't.  I like to be lazy!"  She sort of snorted, in a 'yeah, right' kind of way.

      I really do aim at being lazy. I'm just not always that good at it. 

     My plan is to rush through getting my stuff done so I can lie around staring into space, maybe take a nap if the mood strikes...

     Decades ago I had this ongoing conversation with a girl I knew.  The general idea was that the world is divided into two types of people:  Be-ers and Do-ers.  


     It all started from observing a mutual acquaintance who just couldn't relax.  Ever.

     It was like this woman used her calendar and to-do lists as shields to avoid the possibility of any free time.  She, literally, never had a spare moment.  If a spare moment did pop up she'd shoehorn another task into the empty space.  From the minute she got up in the morning until her head hit the pillow at night she was moving.  She also never did anything alone.  She'd make a date to run errands...and she had a lot of errands. 

     This busy person and I had the same job, the same responsibilities outside of work. (Which were almost none: we were in our 20's and not even dating anyone seriously.)   So why was she running around like a mad woman, while I was on the couch rereading 'Wuthering Heights' for the umpteenth time?

     She made me question myself.  Should I be doing more?

     I had a calendar.  I made lists.  But my lists ended from time to time.  And, truth be told, I often just dumped them altogether, deciding that slacking off was more important.

     So this other equally 'lazy' friend and I would discuss (at length) what level of busyness was good, and what was just spinning your wheels.

     We touted the value of Be-ers.  People who liked to read, to discuss, to muse over a cup of tea.   It seemed to us that all that 'do-ing' was a way to avoid any real growth.  That wasn't us. 

     We were deep.

     Of course, to show just how deep we were, over time the conversation devolved into debates about whether Do-ers would prefer Dewars and Be-ers like beer...or not. 

     But I did believe, and still believe, that it's important to make sure we aren't do-ing just for the sake of busyness.  

     Now here's the problem:  I think of myself as a Be-er.  I try really hard to be a Be-er.  But life is constantly kicking me out of my lazy idyll. 
 
     Years ago, when I shared this theory with Michael and professed myself to be a Be-er, he also didn't buy it.  He laughed. 

     In my face.  

     "You're a Do-er." He assured me.  "No doubt about it."

     I was mad.  You know; mad in that extra-mad way you are when someone observes the truth about you and you'd rather not hear it.  

     Maybe I should have titled this "A funny thing happened on the way to the sofa..."?  Because, in spite of all plans to avoid it, I am often busy. 

     One of the biggest obstacles between me and my longed-for life as a couch potato, is that I get these Visions.  (Nothing biblical here...I'm just talking ideas for parties, rooms to redo, trips to take,  organizing to do, errands to run, stories to write... )

     Sometimes I can shake an idea.  Sometimes I know I don't want to do the work it takes to bring it into reality. But, some ideas get hold of me and won't let go. 

     Sadly, the inability to do nothing is growing worse by the day.  By the time I'm 60 I might actually be that crazed woman running around without a moment to spare.  

     The older I get, the harder it is to sit still.  As Bonnie Raitt says:  "Life gets mighty precious when there's less of it to waste."  I've got stuff I want to do, and unlike in my 20's, I no longer believe that I have forever to do it.

     This might, actually, be a benefit of getting older.  Time becomes more valuable.  You  sure never hear a teenager saying:  'Hurry up.  We're burning daylight!'  They have all the time in the world to achieve their goals. 

     Maybe it's all about that over-used, and, pretty much impossible-to-achieve ideal of Balance.  Yes, houses need repairs, I need to show up at work, I want to catch up with people I care about from time to time...  Oh, and there is all that pie to be eaten...  

     I guess I just want these activities to be in service of higher goals, not an avoidance of myself.   Hopefully, I can balance taking care of business, with making time for stillness (and silliness...and fun).

Are you a Do-er, or a Be-er?