Useful Susans

     Maybe you thought I'm only interested in trivial things like ugly carpet, outfits for pets, and, say, the quality of ice on airplanes.  

     But today I want to take a little of your time to discuss a serious matter.  This issue is very close to my heart.  I'm talking about the outrageous and ongoing defamation of the character of people named Susan.  

     This happens every time someone brings up the slanderously-named "Lazy Susan".   Seriously, this practically calls everyone named Susan out on one of the 7 Deadly Sins.

     First off:  what a wrongly-named item!  This is a household workhorse.  

     This clever invention puts inaccessible items within reach.  You want to find your spices easily?  You want to reach things in the back of a dark, corner, cupboard?  Someone asks you to pass the ketchup and you don't want to reach across the table?  What do you do?  

     You go buy one of these ingenious rotating trays and your troubles are over.  

     So who's the "lazy" one?  The "Lazy Susan", or the person using it?  Who is the one doing all the work?  

     Truthfully, If I wanted to fault the gadget at all, I'd refer to it as an "Enabling Susan" since it enables others to be lazy.  

     But this is exactly the kind of negativity and name calling we need to avoid.

     Henceforth, I proclaim this wonder of efficiency a:  USEFUL Susan.

     The L-word is slanderous, offensive, and most of all:  completely inaccurate.  I really don't know why Susans ever got involved in this.  Susans are no more (and no less) lazy than the next person.  Personally, I suspect someone named Susan just ditched the inventor at the altar or something.  Clearly it was a spiteful decision.

     But what if your name isn't Susan.  Why should you care?

     I believe that when even one person in our society is discriminated against, we all are made smaller by it.  When we generalize about entire groups and tell lies about them, we all suffer.  And when we allow intolerance to invade our daily conversation we are all vulnerable to the same type of treatment.  

    Today it's just Susans.  But who else might we decide to target tomorrow?  It could, just as easily, be you.  What's next?  Gluttonous Glendas?  Greedy Gus's?  Envious...uh...name that starts with En...  ? 

     I have hope that change is possible.  When we remodeled our kitchen Michael told our contractor that I didn't like the "Lazy Susan" term.  Everyone on the job, and I do mean everyone; from our general contractor, to the floor refinishers, to the appliance delivery people, to the receptionist at the cabinet company, and even the guys in the back room painting, used the term:  Useful Susan.  

     They'd use it casually, in passing:  "So, you're going to have the stove to the right of the corner cabinet with the Useful Susan?",  "Will the upper corner cabinets also have a Useful Susan?"  It just rolled right off their tongues, like they'd been born using the term.

     I hope you, like those crews, will remove this hateful term from your conversations.  Also, I encourage you to tell your local kitchen products purveyor that you refuse to support hate-speak.

     Together we can end these detrimental Susan slurs!  We can evolve into a society of mutual respect and acceptance.  Thank you for your support.