"If facebook were a physical nation, it would now be the third most-populous on earth." I read this in the July 22, 2010 issue of The Economist. (I was waiting at the doctor's office and the pickings were slim.)
Now there are a billion users. In population it's still behind India and China...but not by much.
But what would facebook really be like, as a nation? Would it have the world's lowest GNP? What about our test scores? I mean, really, who has time for work and study when there are all those great posts to read?
Here's what I imagine the nation of facebook's entry in an encyclopedia (remember those?) would look like:
The United Pages of Facebook
Official Name: Sovereign and United Pages of Facebook
Denonym: Facebookers
Currency:
Legal Tender: Posts. (FB$)
Small Coins: I'm having tuna salad for lunch!
Big Bills: I'm pregnant!
Other means of exchange: Cute pictures of young animals, videos of people doing stupid or embarrassing things, invitations to join apps that will harass you from now to eternity, and, from time to time, real invitations to real-life stuff.
Official Languages: 111 languages are spoken in the land of facebook, including five varieties of English (UK, India, US, Pirate, and Upside Down).
Population: Just over 1 billion...and climbing.
Government: Dictatorship.
Reportedly, moves have been made towards democracy.
I just read that there are, actually, elections on facebook.
Apparently, they've been going on for nearly 4 years.
I am an active citizen of facebook....and I never heard of these elections.
Either the government of facebook is suppressing our access to voting...or else I was just distracted by a video of a giraffe that adopted a bear cub as her own. (So cute!)
Head of State: Mark Zuckerberg.
History: Founded: February of 2004.
Founding fathers: Mark Zuckerberg, and his roommates at Harvard: Eduardo Saverin, Andrew McCollum, Dustin Moskovitz, and Chris Hughes.
Mark Zuckerberg, eventually gained complete power through some little-understood, and legally battled-over, political coup.
National Pass-times:
Facebookers enjoy posting links and pictures, and sharing what cute thing their child or pet just did, said, or excreted.
We enjoy commenting on meals, events, news stories, sympathizing about break-ups, agreeing that the new girlfriend is a ho', 'liking' friends posts and pictures, commenting, and wishing there was a 'dislike' button.
Facebookers like to wax nostalgic, wax psycho, wax political, wax religious...and, occasionally, like to inbox about how nutty everyone else's cockamamie ideas are.
Other activities include 'poking', playing games, taking meaningless tests to determine what animal we are, what Warner Brothers cartoon character we are most like, and what anagrams can be formed with our names.
Listening to music through YouTube links posted by friends, or through Spotify. Playing Angry Birds, Bejeweled, Scrabble, Dragon City, and Words With friends.
Also we like following links to Pinterest, YouTube, and all points off in internet Never-Never-land...
National Anthem:
Undetermined.
Some suggestions include: "Still Crazy After All These Years" by Paul Simon, and "Yackity Yack" by The Coasters.
So far, no one has tried to trigger an election for this.
Agriculture:
The closest most facebookers get to nature is playing Farmville.
Once all people of the world are on facebook, food shortages are sure to occur.
Crime:
Other than Mafia Wars, crime in the nation of facebook is very low.
I suspect this is because most facebookers figure: where's the fun in doing something you can't post about?
There is the occasional crime against humanity, like pictures passed around of very large Eastern-European men in very small Speedos. And frequent crimes against the language. (I plead 'guiltry two thus cownt'.)
Standard of Living:
facebookers tend to rate high on health and happiness polls. It's been hypothesized that this is because they feel very connected with their fellow citizens. Even though facebook is large, and getting larger all the time, it is still a place 'where everybody knows your name'. (And the name of your little cat, too!)
Now there are a billion users. In population it's still behind India and China...but not by much.
But what would facebook really be like, as a nation? Would it have the world's lowest GNP? What about our test scores? I mean, really, who has time for work and study when there are all those great posts to read?
Here's what I imagine the nation of facebook's entry in an encyclopedia (remember those?) would look like:
The United Pages of Facebook
Official Name: Sovereign and United Pages of Facebook
Denonym: Facebookers
Currency:
Legal Tender: Posts. (FB$)
Small Coins: I'm having tuna salad for lunch!
Big Bills: I'm pregnant!
Other means of exchange: Cute pictures of young animals, videos of people doing stupid or embarrassing things, invitations to join apps that will harass you from now to eternity, and, from time to time, real invitations to real-life stuff.
Official Languages: 111 languages are spoken in the land of facebook, including five varieties of English (UK, India, US, Pirate, and Upside Down).
Population: Just over 1 billion...and climbing.
Government: Dictatorship.
Reportedly, moves have been made towards democracy.
I just read that there are, actually, elections on facebook.
Apparently, they've been going on for nearly 4 years.
I am an active citizen of facebook....and I never heard of these elections.
Either the government of facebook is suppressing our access to voting...or else I was just distracted by a video of a giraffe that adopted a bear cub as her own. (So cute!)
Head of State: Mark Zuckerberg.
History: Founded: February of 2004.
Founding fathers: Mark Zuckerberg, and his roommates at Harvard: Eduardo Saverin, Andrew McCollum, Dustin Moskovitz, and Chris Hughes.
Mark Zuckerberg, eventually gained complete power through some little-understood, and legally battled-over, political coup.
National Pass-times:
Facebookers enjoy posting links and pictures, and sharing what cute thing their child or pet just did, said, or excreted.
We enjoy commenting on meals, events, news stories, sympathizing about break-ups, agreeing that the new girlfriend is a ho', 'liking' friends posts and pictures, commenting, and wishing there was a 'dislike' button.
Facebookers like to wax nostalgic, wax psycho, wax political, wax religious...and, occasionally, like to inbox about how nutty everyone else's cockamamie ideas are.
Other activities include 'poking', playing games, taking meaningless tests to determine what animal we are, what Warner Brothers cartoon character we are most like, and what anagrams can be formed with our names.
Listening to music through YouTube links posted by friends, or through Spotify. Playing Angry Birds, Bejeweled, Scrabble, Dragon City, and Words With friends.
Also we like following links to Pinterest, YouTube, and all points off in internet Never-Never-land...
National Anthem:
Undetermined.
Some suggestions include: "Still Crazy After All These Years" by Paul Simon, and "Yackity Yack" by The Coasters.
So far, no one has tried to trigger an election for this.
Agriculture:
The closest most facebookers get to nature is playing Farmville.
Once all people of the world are on facebook, food shortages are sure to occur.
Crime:
Other than Mafia Wars, crime in the nation of facebook is very low.
I suspect this is because most facebookers figure: where's the fun in doing something you can't post about?
There is the occasional crime against humanity, like pictures passed around of very large Eastern-European men in very small Speedos. And frequent crimes against the language. (I plead 'guiltry two thus cownt'.)
Standard of Living:
facebookers tend to rate high on health and happiness polls. It's been hypothesized that this is because they feel very connected with their fellow citizens. Even though facebook is large, and getting larger all the time, it is still a place 'where everybody knows your name'. (And the name of your little cat, too!)
What are your favorite things about facebook nation? Any further information suggestions for our encyclopedia entry?
Wonderfully done post! Per your request: I like my state of Villagesmitty Friends in the SUPF. For the most part they share their very diverse thoughts civilly, but I can hide them if they go over the civil line. I can listen to any point of view as long as it is respectful. And as long as things remain respectful and civil, I have no need for a police force or military! Win-win!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right!
'Hiding' is so much simpler than, say, building the Berlin Wall or working on a nuclear stockpile...and state dinners are far less costly. (Hot dogs on the grill and a six pack work just fine.)
SUPF? (I googled and got stuff about suscreen and ecoli. I suspect that's not what you're saying.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteSUPF. Sovereign and United Pages of Facebook
Bah ha haa ha.
It's bad when you can't remember the stuff you just made up.
What's that saying?; A liar, /and a writer/, (but I repeat myself) requires a Good Memory!