9-6-2021 - If I Still Posted On Facebook I Would Be Pie-ly Likely To Share This...

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     It's pretty late in life to discover that I really can get into 'maths'!  But, hey, better late than...
without pie.  

    Wish I had some right now.

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And by way of attribution I'll copy what was with the post:

"Pin by Belinda Gilbert on Felt board quotes | Corny jokes, Bad dad jokes, Funny puns

Nov 8, 2019"

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Info from Google Search:

Why is it called pie?

"Pie" was the word for a magpie before it was a word for a pastry, from the Latin word for the bird, Pica (whence the name of the disorder that makes you eat weird things). Pica morphed into "pie" in Old French, following the proud French tradition of actually pronouncing as few consonants as possible.  Nov 15, 2012 

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"That's some mighty powerful cipher-in right there, Miss Jane Hathaway."
-Said Jethro Bodine

   ...uh, in my mind, with no basis in reality whatsoever.I'm just saying 

if granny were making pie, 

(with Granny Smith apples?, I mean who knows what her maiden name was, right?)

and Miss Jane Hathaway said the stuff on that felt board above,
I can easily imagine Jethro would have said this. *

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"Cut my pie into four pieces, I don't think I could eat eight."

-Yogi Berra

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*It is possible I was exposed to too many reruns in my youth?

September 8, 2020 - 361 - "Right Person-Wrong Career"

 

Bad Choices

August 26, 2020 - 348 - "From the 'Worst of Zamfir' Album"

 

Return to Our Italian Restaurant...

August 8, 2020 - 330 - "Fans in Scary Places"

                                     

    Be Careful What You Joke About

June 12, 2020 - 273 - "Rom-Com Reality Check"

Wait...What?

June 9, 2020 - 270 - "Not The Post I Intended...Again"

Disclaimer:  It's Been a Long Damn Day

June 1, 2020 - 262 - "A Girl Can Dream"

Strange Dreams

May 26, 2020 - 256 - "One Car Woman? - Part II"

Car Heaven

May 25, 2020 - 255 - "One Car Woman?-Part I"

Car Timeline: 

May 20, 2020 - 250 - "What You See When You Close Your Eyes"

Eyes Wide Shut

April 25, 2020 - 225 - "Wild Nights/Mellow Mornings"

February 10, 2020 - 150 - "Sesquicentennial/Accidental Texts"

     

     




     My 150th post!  

              Yay.

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     I saw this last night on Pinterest.  I thought of Michael because fitted sheets are the bane of his existence.  He believes they were invented solely to irritate him.  

     He doesn't believe there is a way to fold them.  He thinks they can only be wadded in a ball.  That was my method for many years so i don't really fault him on this...but there are enough YouTube videos out there so that I believe it's possible to fold them...even if mine don't turn out like Martha Stewart's perfect rectangles.

    So I texted this image to Michael last night...or so I thought.


      Just as I hit send, I saw I'd sent a text to someone one digit off of Michael's cell phone.

     This is the interaction that ensued: 

February 1, 2020 - 141 - "It's a Sign"

   

     Ever have one of those days where everything seems funny?*

      The other day we went to Westside Cafe for some 'Country Cookin'.  It's a good place if you're in the market for biscuits and gravy or chicken fried steak.  It's interesting how you can pretty much translate "Country Cookin'" to mean:  full of carbs and fat. 

     

     I noticed in the same little shopping center there was a sign for an Unfinished Furniture store.  I've seen this sort of sign a thousand times but for some reason I couldn't picture items that needed painting...but tables with just two legs on them, lamps without wiring, or chairs without backs. 

January 15, 2020 - 124 - "The Profound Pressure of Pants"

     Michael's spent a lot of time considering pants lately.   Obviously, I'm not the only one in the house who spends their days pondering Serious Subjects.  

     Maybe this is what drew us to each other?  

     You'd think we're both booked for a gig at some comedy club the way we're always furiously looking for something amusing to discuss.  

     This is strange since neither of us have much enjoyed stage time in our lives.  As for me, I'd have to rule out anything that involves a loud and crowded room.  

     But I digress from the subject at hand:  pants.

     I think this line of thinking was brought on by the fact that Michael retired from corporate life a year and a half ago...and has barely had a day off since.   

     He's looking forward to the end of our latest crazy scheme.  (The renovation of the house in Mexico.)   And finally thinking of having some lazy days.  

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No Pants Subway Ride-NYC

   
     That's my guess about why on New Year's Day he informed me he would no longer be wearing pants....


Michael:  I'm not wearing pants today.

Me:  Oh, okay.  Cool.

Michael:  I may not ever wear pants again.

Me:  That's a worthy goal.  Good on you, babe.

Michael:  I mean it.

Me:  Alright. I guess I'll be wearing the pants around here from now on.  But, ya know, it's been kind of cold outside lately, and there are a couple more months of winter to go.

Michael:  (Seeming to have just considered this.)  Well...maybe I'll wear some pajama pants!

Me:  Great idea.  It's a good thing you finally got some.  Can I ask what's led you to this decision?

Michael:  I just realize that I've been conditioned by society to wear pants.  Pants are very constricting.  You have to choose which ones to wear too.  In the summer you have to choose between short or long pants.  It's a lot of time thinking about something so unimportant.  

Me:  I see what you mean.

Michael:  I just don't want to let society tell me what to do.  So my New Year's resolution is:  No Pants All Year!  

Me:  Wow!  Impressive.

Michael:  Yes it is.  It won't be easy...but I'm determined.

Me:  Well, I'll try to support you.  I guess your pants won't be doing that job anymore.  Luckily you don't need pants to go to the kitchen and get me coffee.

    Michael wandered off to get me coffee.  And it turned out he was able to easily bring me coffee, even though he wore no pants.  

     So far his resolution was going great.

January 6, 2020 - 115 - "Fine Wines"

Quick back-story:

"Charles Shaw is a brand of bargain-priced wine.  These wines were introduced at TRader Joe's grocery stores in California in 2002 at a price of US$1.99 per bottle, earning the wines the nickname "Two Buck Chuck" and eventually sold 800 million bottles between 2002 and 20013." (from Google search)

Because of the price of shipping Two Buck Chuck is more expensive outside of California...but they have sales periodically where they roll back the price tag.

January 3, 2020 - 112 - "Olfactory Ghosts"

Alternate Title?:  "I Smell Dead People"  (Eeeewwww...)

Where There's Smoke...

      I walked from my office into the den and smelled cigarette smoke.  It was a really strong smell.  Like someone just lit up right there in the room.

     No one in our house smokes.

     No one else was even in the house.

     Maybe someone's smoking out in the street?  Or in the driveway?  I walked out onto the front balcony and sniffed:  Nothing.

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     Our guest bath has an old Hoosier cabinet we use to store towels and bath supplies.

     It sat in my grandparent's dining room for all of my childhood.  They kept cards and score pads in one of the drawers at the top, my grandmother's ledger/journal in the other, and cloth napkins were kept on the middle shelf.  I don't remember ever seeing what they stored at the bottom.

    My granddad found the thing in some sort of storage shed at a house they rented once.  It was old and really beaten up but he cleaned it up, stained and painted it, and brought it in the house.  

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     Every once in awhile, usually when it's damp out, I'll get a whiff of cigarette smoke coming off of it.  (The lingering remains of the 55 gazillion cigarettes the two of them smoked in their dining room all those years.)  

     This wasn't a damp day.  Still, I went back to the bathroom to see if I could smell cigarettes in there...but I couldn't.  

     It sort of spooked me because I'd been writing about Grandmother Stewart and thought, maybe she'd dropped in to dispute some of the observations I'd made about her.  I smelled  cigarettes the strongest by the domino table toward the front of the house.  That seems like a place she'd want to show up for a quick smoke and game of 42.  

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Popcorn

     A week or so later I was sitting in the den watching TV.  I smelled popcorn cooking.  It was a really strong smell.  Like when you're standing by the microwave waiting for it to ring, knowing it's close because the pops-per-second rate is slowing down.  That strong.  

     Again, I was alone in the house.  I walked around, thinking it was coming from another room, or outside.  But the only place I could smell it was right there in the den.

    This time I had no hunches about who it might be.  My dad's really into popcorn...but I don't remember ever having any at his parent's house.

Ghost?

     I found a lot of information about 'paranormal smells' online.  Most of the articles viewed this as a definite sign of ghosts hanging around.  

     I wouldn't totally discount the idea.   We live in an old house, in an old area.  I've heard tons of ghost stories from around our neighborhood.  Still, I've never encountered one myself.   

Medical Issue?

    In my Google ghost hunt I also came across the word:  Phantosmia.  It's a medical term for when a person smells something that is not actually there.  It's an olfactory hallucination and can be caused by everything from sinusitis, to a stroke, to schizophrenia.  (Fun factoid:  A friend just told me a statistic about schizophrenia.  Apparently people who have dogs as children are way less likely to develop schizophrenia.)

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Orville?

January 1, 2020 - 110 - "Grab Bag Blog: Wow! / Ugh / Financial Tip / Boogers"

Fresh Beginnings

 Hey!  I just wrote:  "2020"!  

     It's a new day!  It's a new month!  It's a New Year!  It's a whole new decade!  Allow me to be one of the first to welcome you to the: 

Best Decade Evah!  

"Should I Stay or Should I Go" Now? (-The Clash)

 

     I've got a good feeling about this one...in spite of the fact that I'm on call for the day:  Could stay home.  Could fly somewhere.  No idea.  The idea sounded kind of exciting 28 years ago.  Now I'm getting to the point where I'd at least like to know what country I'm going to be in when I go to bed tonight...or maybe I won't even get to bed again until tomorrow... 

     But, okay, here I am and I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity to stay flexible.  And as a kick in the pants to write my blog early so I won't start the year with a missed deadline.   

New Year - New Tedious Tasks

    My first act of the New Decade was to update my debit card information with the various

institutions I have auto-pay set up with.  

    For some reason, my bank will not get it through their heads databases that I am a flight attendant.  Then there's the added complication of spending a lot of time in Mexico, and the bank is thoroughly freaked out.

     I've asked them to note my account repeatedly.  But then they'll advise me they've cancelled my debit card...again.

I'll call to ask why.  The conversation goes something like this:

Bank:  There's been unusual activity on the account. There was a purchase in Indiana this morning, Illinois mid-day, and Texas this evening.

Me:  Yes.

Bank:  So we cancelled your card.

Me:  That was me making those transactions.

Bank:  But, it was in...(checks computer) Indianapolis this morning.  A restaurant in Chicago around lunch, and a gas station in Fort Worth tonight.

Me:  Yes.  It's called air travel.  (Note:  I don't say that last 'It's called air travel.' line out loud.  But I think it so loud that either my thought waves or my tone should make the message come through.)  I am a flight attendant.  I've asked you to note this over and over.  Is there a way to flag my account as owned by someone who travels a lot?

December 23, 2019 - 101 - “I Believe in Santa Claus”

 

     I’ve had a song stuck in my head for a few days now.  I heard it playing in DFW airport the other day.  

     It’s from a Christmas Album by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers circa 1984.  I actually owned it.  (On cassette tape!)  I must have gotten it around 1989.  If memory serves, I bought it at my local gas station for, like $2.99, with a fill-up.

     It struck a chord with me when I first heard it, and I listened to it for a lot of Christmases.  Most of them were Christmases when I was young and single and lost.  Maybe there's some sort of homey comfort in the music.  Maybe I was nostalgic for a sort of Christmas I'd never actually experienced.  Whatever the reason, I nearly wore the thing out I played it so much.  

     But then there came a point where I no longer had a cassette player, and I never  replaced the cassette with a CD.

      In all of these years I haven't thought much of the album or any of the songs on it.   Then that one song played at the airport and got lodged in my brain.  I finally really listened to it on Pandora yesterday morning when I was getting ready to go to work.   

     I was surprised by how much I still really like it.  It's entertaining and touching and nostalgic...and, well, who doesn't love to listen to Dolly's sweet voice?  I think I need to listen to the rest of the album.  

November 23, 2019 - 71 - "Becky, the Queen of Carpets"

     I'm flying with a young man named Nick.  Nick mentioned he'd found some ads on YouTube that "reminded him of his youth."  (He's 33.)

     He's from Saint Louis and explained there was a carpet store there when he was growing up, owned by a woman named Becky.  Becky came up with a series of ads featuring herself as:  The Queen of Carpets.

     I have dedicated a lot of my brain-space to a) bad advertising (I specialize in arcane, semi-lame local jingles from my further-back-in-time youth), and b) the seeking out, and sharing of particularly Loud and Ugly carpets.  (See my blog on the topic here:  Loud Ugly Carpets of the World.)

     I'm sure you can imagine how intrigued I was by Nick's carpet commercial finds.

          "Tell me more!",  I enthused.

October 19, 2019 - 36 - "Random Brain Wanderings-1: Googling Goodness"

This was a sign at a donut shop in Portland Airport.

      Okay - I'm seeing some patterns here.  I thought I'd end up doing something theme-ish with this blog.  Like Fitness Friday, Travel Tuesday...or, ya know, something alliterative like that.

     So far, however, I just seem to be posting by mood.  Or by whatever looks  closest to being ready to share that day.

     This week there are suddenly some possibilities for repeated themes.  Yesterday I wrote "Mexican Casa Renovation-1".  And here it is just a day later and  I'm going to start my "Random Brain Wanderings" series!

      You may be asking yourself:  "What the hell is that?"  

     I'm glad you asked.  This is where I open one of my eighty gagillion notebooks, or computer and phone files, and pick an arbitrary note to inflict on you.  

     What?  You think that sounds like a way for me to be lazy and not write that day?  

     Well, you are absolutely correct!!!  

     As a reward for your brilliant deductive powers I will share with you the first from this riveting (okay-I'll let you be the judge of that) new series.  

     Check out the super-pro graphic!*  (Though I wish this was a video montage where each word would come at you like the text at the beginning of Star Wars...complete with orchestral accompaniment.)  
   ...raNDOM! 
      ...b r A I N ! 
         ...wwwaaaaAAANNNDER.......
   
     You get the idea.  

      *Now I'm wishing I'd created a graphic for my house renovation post yesterday.  Gotta go back and do that.  Wait.  This is all interfering my lazy day plan.  Bummer.

     Anyway, here ya go: