 |
| From wiki.org |
Bond girls are exotic and mysterious, and mystery just doesn't have a very long shelf-life.
I've been pondering the role of Bond girls since this little incident:
Michael was opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate our anniversary. I couldn't stop myself from saying:
"Don't forget to point it away from your face!" Michael looks irritated.
I've been pondering the role of Bond girls since this little incident:
Michael was opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate our anniversary. I couldn't stop myself from saying:
"Don't forget to point it away from your face!" Michael looks irritated.
"A Bond
girl would never say that to 007." He says.
He's right. A Bond girl would trust James not to put his eye out with the champagne cork. Bond girls don't nag.
He's right. A Bond girl would trust James not to put his eye out with the champagne cork. Bond girls don't nag.
That's the
difference between a Bond girl and a wife.
Well, that, and the fact that Bond girls are HOT.
I might look attractive to Michael...on a good day, but as a wife (and, yeah, genetically average & 25 years older than a Bond girl) I can never be truly HOT.
If he's only seen a girl in a cleavage-revealing evening gown, slinking around a Monte Carlo casino, casually dropping thousands of Euros at the roulette wheel...well, he'll have one impression of her. The impression would be very different if he'd seen her hours earlier with hair dye dripping down her forehead, wriggling into her pair of Spanx, or trying to retrieve one of her false eyelashes from behind the toilet.
This is just one of the reasons why Bond has to be single. In the past, when he has hooked up, as in "Casino Royale" with Vesper Lynd, or even gets married, like to Countess Tracy Draco Vicenzo in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service", it always ends badly.
Really, really, badly. To steal a Bond-like pun: women are just dying to get close to him.
A Bond girl and a wife are two entirely different animals.
Bond girls are pure fantasy; perfect specimens of the female form, with the single-minded desire, whether they realize it at first or not, to share a roll in the hay with James. No strings attached, of course.
Honey Ryder never argued with Bond over closet space. Xenia Onatopp never chastised him for leaving his martini glass in the living room, again. Plenty O'Toole never had to complain that she had other things to do besides picking his tux up from the dry cleaners. Holly Goodhead never told him how embarrassed she was in front of the other soccer moms when James got competitive and used his laser-beam tie-tack to incinerate the ref. at their child's game.
Seriously, would Octopussy have the same appeal if she'd become an Octomom?
Would she still smile adoringly and fall into bed with him after spending the afternoon cleaning lipstick (not her shade) off of his collars?
I might look attractive to Michael...on a good day, but as a wife (and, yeah, genetically average & 25 years older than a Bond girl) I can never be truly HOT.
If he's only seen a girl in a cleavage-revealing evening gown, slinking around a Monte Carlo casino, casually dropping thousands of Euros at the roulette wheel...well, he'll have one impression of her. The impression would be very different if he'd seen her hours earlier with hair dye dripping down her forehead, wriggling into her pair of Spanx, or trying to retrieve one of her false eyelashes from behind the toilet.
This is just one of the reasons why Bond has to be single. In the past, when he has hooked up, as in "Casino Royale" with Vesper Lynd, or even gets married, like to Countess Tracy Draco Vicenzo in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service", it always ends badly.
Really, really, badly. To steal a Bond-like pun: women are just dying to get close to him.
A Bond girl and a wife are two entirely different animals.
Bond girls are pure fantasy; perfect specimens of the female form, with the single-minded desire, whether they realize it at first or not, to share a roll in the hay with James. No strings attached, of course.
Honey Ryder never argued with Bond over closet space. Xenia Onatopp never chastised him for leaving his martini glass in the living room, again. Plenty O'Toole never had to complain that she had other things to do besides picking his tux up from the dry cleaners. Holly Goodhead never told him how embarrassed she was in front of the other soccer moms when James got competitive and used his laser-beam tie-tack to incinerate the ref. at their child's game.
Seriously, would Octopussy have the same appeal if she'd become an Octomom?
Would she still smile adoringly and fall into bed with him after spending the afternoon cleaning lipstick (not her shade) off of his collars?
And when it was time for him to leave on the next assignment? Would she be okay with him jetting off to Jamaica to bed some bimbo with a sexually-suggestive name? Or would she resent being stuck at home with James, Jr., who has the stomach flu?
Most of the 007 movies end with Bond shagging off into the sunset with some young hottie. They're on a train, a jet, a submarine, a space capsule, a boat...and are blissfully happy. But, by the next movie, these women are long gone.
Which is probably for the best. Bond has to move on to something new to keep things interesting.
Most people want a little more continuity in their lives. They tend to evolve into long-term relationships with one person.
On the one hand, it's difficult to maintain a sense of novelty. But, then again, a wife isn't usually scheming with a psychotic SPECTRE villain to kill her husband in his sleep.
Besides, it would be difficult for a Bond girl to fit into a regular guy's life. How could he keep a straight face while introducing his wife, Pussy Galore, around at the office picnic? How would he explain the name to his parents?
Which is probably for the best. Bond has to move on to something new to keep things interesting.
Most people want a little more continuity in their lives. They tend to evolve into long-term relationships with one person.
On the one hand, it's difficult to maintain a sense of novelty. But, then again, a wife isn't usually scheming with a psychotic SPECTRE villain to kill her husband in his sleep.
Besides, it would be difficult for a Bond girl to fit into a regular guy's life. How could he keep a straight face while introducing his wife, Pussy Galore, around at the office picnic? How would he explain the name to his parents?
But, if he ever got his fingers blown off by his 'ink pen', a wife would dutifully fill out all the insurance forms, hang out in the emergency room all
night, and spend months nursing him back to health.
She would feel guilty that she stopped herself from saying: "You do remember that thing is loaded, don't you?"
She would feel guilty that she stopped herself from saying: "You do remember that thing is loaded, don't you?"
And, while I'm thinking of all the ways wives fall short of the Bond ideal: Just how good would most men look when compared to a Bond girl's last boyfriend?
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for dropping by my blog!
Please share your Daily Hits of Happy. After all... shared happiness is doubled.