For Facebook Eyes Only

         There's a picture being sent around the Internet of a white-haired lady looking at a computer.  She seems alarmed.  

           The caption reads:  "Take those photos of me off your Facebook right now!!! People can use them to get into my bank account!"

           Now, I don't like to judge people's paranoid fantasies.  (I mean, hey, I'm pretty sure my dishwasher is spying on me.)  And, I make a point to leave my social security number, credit card pins, and the whereabouts of the extra key to my car off my posts.  But, really, who is in danger from Facebook?  


        Obviously, there are people with honest-to-goodness privacy concerns.  CIA agents.  Individuals in the Witness Protection Program.  Donald Trump's hairdresser.

There are valid reasons to avoid Facebook, like maybe if:

         1-Your job is guided by a strict code of ethics, legally binding agreements, confidentiality clauses, vows of silence, blood oaths, or blackmail threats.  

         2-You regularly receive documents with phrases like:  'Confidential', 'Top Secret', 'Privileged', or 'Burn After Reading' emblazoned on them.  

        

         3-You cannot control the impulse to post things that you don't want the world to know.

         All of the above might be reasons to steer clear of social media.  But, Number 3 is the only absolute deal-breaker.

         Here are a few examples of posts that could get you fired, sued, or killed.  I have divided them by profession.  Again:  These are posts NOT to make:

Attorney -

"OMG.  He TOTALLY did it!!! 

Guilty As Sin!!!

Shhhh...keep this under your hat, peeps."

Nuclear Engineer: 

"Uh oh.

I guess I should have done those safety checks after all.  Things are sure heating up fast."

DEA Agent -

"Woohoo!!! What a weekend!! 

We always have the best parties after a big bust!  Finders-keepers, Dirt-bags!!"

Undercover Agent: 

"Will I ever be glad to finish this gig! 

We've got all the evidence we need on 'my boyfriend', Big Terry.
He'll never recognize me once I dye my hair back to brown and cover up these tattoos.

I will sooo not miss his bovine, shower-hating self.

PeeeYew!!

Anyol'who... can't wait to hang with all my friends back in Portland at the Hoof and Snout!!"

Psychiatrist -

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... 
This is the longest 50 minutes of my week.

If this guy's not whining about his wife's demands, then he's complaining about knocking up yet another call girl.

What an idiot!

How he got elected governor I'll never know." 

Apple Employee -

"You guys are never gonna believe what we've done to the iPhone this time!!!  You are, totally, going to want to shell out an extra $200 bucks for this action!  I'll give you the details when I get home later!"

Teacher -

"Grrrrrrrr!

Jenny Kipple is Such a Little Sh**!

I don't care if she is 6 years old. 
It's pointless for me to try to teach her anything

when she's, obviously, destined to be a ho' just like her mother."

Doctor -

"Can anyone guess which of my diet-drug-company-owning patients I just performed lap band surgery on?? 

//btw, I'm offering a 15% discount to all my facebook  friends, if you make an appointment by July 14! //

(We're headed to Maui and want to stay at The Grand Wailea in the worst way!)

Secret Service Special Agent -

"foursquare check-in:
Lincoln Memorial

Washington D.C. -

12:20 a.m.

Me and The Pres."

"POTUS likes to come by and pay his respects from time to time. 

I'm a little nervous since half the agency is out with the flu and I forgot to load my piece." 

         But, even if you're the leader of the free world, you could still get away with the occasional fun and informative post, like:  "Took Bo for a walk!"