Crap Management: Techno-Clutter

    It's not like anyone aspires to become a hoarder.  It's just that stuff you bring home never senses when it's outworn it's welcome.  Obsolete technology is the worst.

     It just sits there.  


     If we knew for certain that we no longer needed something...we'd get rid of it.  But it's tricky recognizing when some gadget is no longer justifying the space it's taking up.  

     I have a theory that there's this moment, a nanosecond really, when an item goes from being wonderfully useful, to being complete junk; from being the cat's pajamas to the dog's dinner.


     Electronics are the absolute worst about this.  They move in, bring a lot of baggage with them, and even after they stop contributing to your life, they just keep hanging around like a bad boyfriend.

     Just as an example; there was a day when you popped a cassette into your tape player and rocked out to your favorite tunes...for the last time.  

     You probably got a CD player for the house, but kept the cassettes to play in your car.   Then came the day you traded in your car.  You hurriedly gathered the contents of your old car, shoved them in a bag, drove home in your new car, and stuck the bag in your office somewhere. 

     The second you left your trade-in back at the car lot, your cassettes became completely useless.  You might have noticed this...if you weren't so busy blasting tunes on your nifty new CD player and checking the rear view mirror to see how cool you were lookin' in your sweet new ride.

     Later you decided to paint your office.  You took those dust-covered cassette tape organizers off the wall.  You probably realized by then that they were useless, but you thought you'd keep them to remind you of which albums you wanted to go buy in CD version.  You would have liked to sit down right then and make a list of all the CD's to order...but, oh yeah, you were supposed to be painting the office.  And, really, you didn't have that kind of cash to blow on CD's right at that minute.  So you shoved the cassettes under the bed in the guest room...for the next decade or two.  

     That's how it is with technology:  you have a few good years.  It enhances your life, for a while, then poof!  It's all over.  Some new thing comes along and you can't remember the last time you used the old model.   

     A million last moments zoom past without us ever noticing.  Who did you last take a picture of with a Polaroid?  Who paged you last?  What was the last song you taped off of the radio?  What was on the last roll of film you actually, physically, got developed?  The last movie you watched on your VCR?  Who did you fax last?  Who left the last message on your answering machine?

     When these transitions happen, it's not just that particular 'modern convenience' that has gone from treasure to trash.  There are all those accessories that went with it.  Yep.  They're useless too.  They become one more unidentified charger in your box of chargers.  One more cable that connected something to something else...neither of which you use anymore. 

     Then there are all those tapes you never recorded anything on.  There are ribbons and Wite Out for the typewriter you got for high school graduation.  You have ink cartridges for an old printer and tapes that fit a video camera you haven't had in 15 years.  You find floppy disks, flash cubes, head cleaner, and head cleaner fluid tucked away in drawers.  You have a stack of labels for your VCR tapes, and manuals for old phones.  

     You have the answering machine, with all the mini-cassette tapes, long after getting a message service from your phone company.  You have cases and carriers and straps, and mounting pieces...you're not positive what any of them went to...but, then again, they may go to something you need.   You figure you'd better keep them.  You find a stylus from your Blackberry...or was that for the Palm Pilot you had before that?  Then there are all those rolls of film...the kind you used to drop off at Fotomat.

     You come across those funny adapters for 45's, a record player needle, and the little brush for cleaning the needles.  You have a mouse and keyboards from before you went wireless, and two mouse pads from before you got a computer with a touch pad.  You have bulbs for a slide projector, slide carousels, a screen, and the stand for the screen.  Then there are all those unidentified batteries that may have gone to a camera you had in college, or may have belonged to your ex...  

     They all lurk in shelves and drawers; practically invisible.  Then one day, years and years later, you happen to notice one of them.  It's like unearthing a fossil; a prehistoric bug suspended in a piece of resin.  You can't believe you still have it.  You haven't used it in, what?  20 years?  30 years?  40? 

     Even the things you bought to keep your stuff from looking cluttery... are now clutter, too.  You no longer have a need for those floppy disk boxes, and the racks for your records, cassettes, and Betamax tapes.  

     And it's all constantly changing.  Today's welded-to-your-hand, can't-leave-home-without-it, device is tomorrow's relic.  There's always some new wonder-electronic coming along, ready to knock last year's toy out of your life.  Think of all the things the smart phone rendered obsolete:  your flip-phone, walkman, GPS, calculator, PDA, camera, video camera, iPod....

     There should really be a bright neon blinky-light implanted in all technology.  The day a new product comes out, that blinky light on your old item should be activated.  The day you go out and purchase the new technology, your old one should start an annoying chirping.  It should be truly annoying; like your smoke detector.  A bonus feature would be if it also activates the alarm on all of the accessories that came with it.   

     You wouldn't have all this stuff lurking at the back of a desk drawer.  You'd just kick the has-been device to the curb, and happily fill your days, and your home, with the next toy-wonder.


What's the oldest technology you have around the house?  The strangest gadget accessory you've come across lately?