Good Intentions

     I love New Year's Resolutions.  I love them so much I make them all the time.  I've made thousands of them!!!

     Every once in a while I actually stick to one.



     The fact that you're reading this blog means I've kept at least one New Year's Resolution.

     At this time last year I resolved to get serious about writing.  From January 1, 2013 I wrote every day (which I've always done), but I also wrote with some sort of focus (which I have never done.)

     In April I upped the ante on my resolution.  I had the idea that having a deadline, and people who knew about the deadline, would help me get more serious.  (Which it did.  Thank you for helping to keep me on track!)

     Because of this commitment; through crazy schedules, zero inspiration, too much inspiration, good hair days, bad hair days, manic house projects, long dark night's of the soul, vacations, sickness, health, better, worse, bouts of noticing that every single idea I have is idiotic and pointless, snow, sleet, rain, dark of night, sugar highs, hormonal lows, good posts, bad posts, posts no one read, posts I hated that everyone read, tons of distractions, no distractions, ups, downs, criticism, compliments, too much pie, not enough pie, early wake-up calls, fears and self-loathing, doubts and demons, ....

     I HAVE POSTED EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING!

     (Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!)

I realize I have learned a thing or two about how to keep my good intentions on track...and what gets me side-tracked:

1-Don't make a laundry list

     I used to like to make my resolutions many, varied, and complicated.  I'd come up with a boat-load of ways to improve myself and the world and resolve to fix them all!   I'd divide a piece of paper into sections and start listing what my fantasy-life would look like.  Health:  Reduce my sugar and carb intake, Work out 4 times per week, blah, blah, blah...   Relationships:  Make lunch dates with friends more often, Write letters, blah, blah, blah....  Global:  Find cure for cancer, patch the hole in the ozone layer, repair polar ice cap, blah blah blah...

     You get the idea.  I'd make a giant, overwhelming, list which I may as well have called:  Things I'll Never Accomplish.

      Luckily, a few years ago I had the bright idea to pick just one thing and make it My Big Deal Thing for the year.

     It has to be something that I think is really, really, hard,...but not entirely, and completely, impossible.  I made 2013 'The Year of Writing'.

2-Look for ways to be accountable...but not for everything in the world

      The bad news is I make myself responsible to work on My Big Deal Thing regularly.  The good news is it gives me permission to be a slacker about everything else.  If I don't get my workout done in a day-no problem, don't balance my checkbook, or get the laundry done...well, I can make time for that tomorrow.  It's okay because it wasn't My Most Important Thing.  Obviously, we all have tons of things that we can only let slide so far before taking care of them.  That's what makes it so important to have just that one Most Important Thing we're adding to our responsibilities.

     The only way I could really fail was to not work on my writing at all.  At the beginning of the year I just had the "Did I write today?" question.  Then, in April, I added the "Did I post my blog this week?" question.  (The only correct answer to these questions being:  Hell yes!)

     Other years I've chosen 'Get Organized', or 'Get Fit' as My Big Deal Thing.  At the end of the day I had to ask if I'd done something toward that overriding goal.   (And, yeah, I allow myself a lot of latitude in what I define as 'working toward my goals'.)  This year on really busy days...or even a few really lazy days, I let "I jotted down some notes on my phone about what to blog about this week." to be a good enough answer.  (See # 3.)

3-It's not all or nothing 

     I constantly remind myself that I have the chance to start over.  If I go through a day, or even many days, where I don't stick to my goals...well, there's always Monday morning to start over, or my next day off....or 3 o'clock this afternoon...or, worst case: 11:45 p.m. Tuesday night because my blog posts at 4 a.m. Wednesday morning.

     Just as an example, of course.

4-Check in A Lot

     I ask myself how I'm doing, and adjust my goal throughout the year, the month, the week, and even throughout the day.

     In order to check in a lot I've also learned that I have to write my goal down all over the place so I remember I have it.   (I'm a little distractible.)

5-The biggest 'Most Important Thing' is trying

     The very, very, hardest thing about writing (and sharing it), for me, and probably for most writers, is the difference between what I intend to communicate; what's in my head and in my heart, and how it actually comes out.  (For example...all my ideas are hilarious in my head.  It's only when I post that they morph into Helpful Hints From Heloise.  I'm hoping this phase will pass...thank you for bearing with me on this.)

     The thing is:  I'm constantly missing my own mark.  I had to, finally, make it okay to Just Try.  (Perfectionism is the enemy of creativity.)

     I have had to give myself some credit for the effort, move past hating what I write, or feeling embarrassed for revealing too much, or holding back, or whatever of the infinite ways I can pick apart my own stuff, and just say to myself:  Good job!  I did what I said I would this week.

     Then ask:  What will I write about next?

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So what's Your Big Deal Thing for 2014?