Chain (Letter) Reaction

    "Every chain has a link.  Every link is a life.  Break the chain-lose a life.  Send this to 5 people or death will come for you. You have 24 hours."

     The first time I remember getting a chain letter was in Ms. Woods' 7th Grade homeroom. Wow.  Death threats are pretty heavy crap to be loading on a twelve year old.

     ...and it came from a 'friend'.

Viva San Miguel de Allende!

     San Miguel de Allende is a feast for the senses.

     It's the sound of horse's hooves clopping over cobblestone streets.

     It's the celebrants of Mexico's Independence from Spain cheering the entry of the insurgents into the Jardin. 

     It's someone shouting:  "Viva Mexico!"  And a crowd responding with "Viva!" 

     And a band (because there often seems to be a band) playing La Bikina and everyone singing along.  It's firework blasts *Pop Pop Pop* as the church bells dependably chime the time. 

A List is Just a List

     I use lists for two reasons.  I'll go ahead and make a list of my reasons:

         1-  To make myself sane.

         2-  To make myself go crazy.

Along Came A Spider: The Ambiguities of Murder in the Insect World

I guess he'd been hanging out in our kitchen for a while.  When I reached for a glass I saw the tiny spider spinning down from the ceiling on his gossamer thread.   The movement of the cabinet door set him moving to and fro unpleasantly close to my face.

         "You're cute, but you can't live here.  This kitchen is a No-Spiders Zone."   I thought I should explain our policies before ousting the intruder.

My Pet's Peeves: 50 Ways I Annoy My Cat

     I irritate Ella a million times a day.  

     I'm so crazy about her and do my best to make her happy.  How can I piss her off so often...and so badly? 

     Easy!  Here are 50 (to narrow it down considerably) of Ella's least favorite things:

         1-Ella hates it when I get out of bed.  (She's usually plopped on me, and seems to say 'Hey...I'm sleepin' here!')

         2-It bothers her when I get up from a chair.   'Hey!  I'm takin' a nap here!' - (Yes, if Ella could talk, she would sound like a particularly annoyed New York cabbie.)  Ella would prefer I serve as her own personal mobile cat bed.  

Knight Life

http://www.cafepress.com/+templar-cross+boxers         

      I was talking to a man on a flight last week.  He has these neighbors from Romania who invited him and his wife over for a party.  One of the other guests was His Excellency, the local Romanian Consul.   (We both agreed that 'Your Excellency' is a pretty sweet title.)  

      The guy noticed His Excellency's distinctive lapel pin.   (A red cross with a silver sword over it.) 

      American:  "Is that a symbol of Romania?"

      Romanian:  "No.  I'm a Knight Templar."

How Watching Movies Can Make You Healthier

http://pgx.com/us/en

          There's a series of movies that will make you fitter and healthier.  It's like magic!  All you have to do is sit there on your keister and watch 'em.  

          But I warn you:  There's no going back.  Your brain will, officially, be washed. 

The Enforcer

hamwx.com

    Enforcing FAA regulations is the main reason my job exists.  Sadly, it also creates a lot of panic in certain passengers.

     The trickiest rule is for those passengers sitting in bulkhead rows.  These are the rows that have no seats in front of them.  Unfortunately, they also have no place to stow carry on items.  If you're in one of these rows everything has to go up for take-off and landing.  (Yep, even purses and laptops.)

Silence is Excruciating

zazzle.com

      

     One time I signed up for a 10-day meditation retreat.

     I'd read a book about meditation and tried doing the recommended exercises.  They were really hard and  I decided I'd never be able to wrestle my monkey-mind into quiet submission.  

Useful Susans

     Maybe you thought I'm only interested in trivial things like ugly carpet, outfits for pets, and, say, the quality of ice on airplanes.  

     But today I want to take a little of your time to discuss a serious matter.  This issue is very close to my heart.  I'm talking about the outrageous and ongoing defamation of the character of people named Susan.  

     This happens every time someone brings up the slanderously-named "Lazy Susan".   Seriously, this practically calls everyone named Susan out on one of the 7 Deadly Sins.

The Challenging Art of Doing Nothing

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." - Bill Watterson

     A friend said recently:  "You sure like to be busy." 

     "No I don't.  I like to be lazy!"  She sort of snorted, in a 'yeah, right' kind of way.

      I really do aim at being lazy. I'm just not always that good at it. 

     My plan is to rush through getting my stuff done so I can lie around staring into space, maybe take a nap if the mood strikes...

     Decades ago I had this ongoing conversation with a girl I knew.  The general idea was that the world is divided into two types of people:  Be-ers and Do-ers.  

My Diva Demands

zazzle.com

         This week I've been researching what it takes to be a really obnoxious diva.   What with the way people become famous for nothing these days, you just never know when it might happen to you.  I, for one, plan to be prepared.

         The first thing any self-respecting diva needs is a large entourage.

         Madonna's most recent tour required an entourage of 200.   Now, I'm not going to try and out-diva Madonna.  I'm more aiming for an average between, say, Celine Dione, J. Lo., and Mariah.  

         I think a modest 50-70 people to do my bidding is a good start.

The Mane of My Existence

     When I was younger life was much more angsty.  I'm not sure if age and wisdom make it better now, or the fact that hair products have improved. 

     Not that my hair troubles are over.

     Sometimes I wonder what percentage of my life has been devoted to my hair.  How many hours have I spent fiddling with it; having it cut, permed, dyed, styled, straightened, conditioned, brushed, braided, tugged and tortured?