Authentic City

A perfect card to draw for this post!
It's from my deck 'Affirmators!' cards.  (Thanks Kristine!)

You know those old people who'll say anything?

They blurt out the most inappropriate things, share unflattering tidbits about themselves...or you.  Maybe dress in ways that flout the social norms.  (Think Gladys from the Ellen Degeneres show randomly volunteering stuff like:  "Hey honey, I'll tell ya:  I love Jesus, but I drink a little.")  Or the lady at the corner market wearing a ball gown to get groceries.  Or that neighbor who tells people they need to lose a few pounds...

This used to seem very embarrassing to me.  I wondered if they were getting senile or something.  Losing all social skills.  It seemed sad.

But I'm starting to see them as Superheroes.


Not only does it no longer make me uncomfortable to see someone expressing what they really think, but saying exactly what I mean has become my highest aspiration.

These days I'm thinking maybe these sharers-of-truth haven't lost it after all but, instead, have just run out of, er 'damns' to give.  (Okay, I'm being nice with that word.  In a few more years I hope to be writing my preferred word for this without hesitation.  Clearly I've got a ways to go on this late-life subversion thing.)

But, yeah, I'm finally getting to the point of caring a heckuva lot less about what random people might think.  Not in any 'in-your-face-I'm-gonna-do-stuff-to-piss-someone-off'/rebellious way.  It's more like it's coming from this really deep well of, like, actually no longer caring so much.

As Dr. Seuss says:  "Be yourself.  Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

And as I say:

EXACTLY!

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I think I've finally gained these insights because...I'm aging.  

Not a newsflash I know.  Obviously, we all are.  But it's like I've suddenly come down with a severe case; an accelerated version of the condition.

Now I'm completely confounded by my own past inauthentic choices. 

Which is good.  Really good.  Turns out there actually are benefits to getting older.  Liking yourself and your choices is definitely a perk.

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I had this friend in my twenties who, like me, clearly lacked a solid sense of self.  We would talk about our uncanny ability to be chameleons.  We could fit into whatever situations we found ourselves in.  (And we really did put ourselves into some situations that were very dramatically NOT us.  To the extent of being surrounded by people who, quite literally, didn't speak our language.)

And yeah, we could make it work...pretty much.

But at what price?  

I have been down a lot of career paths that were on the opposite end of the spectrum from my personality, likes, and talents.  But at least I've noticed those issues.  It's only relatively recently that I've learned to fine-tune the concept down to avoiding people who make zero sense to me.  

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Maybe I thought that with enough time and effort (and angst, and misery...) I'd learn the keys to understanding and enjoying everyone.  I'd figure them out, learn to accommodate our differences, and we'd get along beautifully.  

In retrospect it seems I chose people with the soul purpose (interesting typo)...with the sole purpose of teaching myself that we're not actually meant to understand everyone.

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I spent a lot of my first 50 years trying to explain myself to people who were never gonna get me.

I'm hoping to spend the next 50 years just being myself and letting others be themselves.  

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I heard an interview with the songwriter Carole Bayer Sager.  She was talking about painful past relationships and said:  "Can we speed up the process of becoming who we're supposed to and stopping putting up with crap?"

Here's to speeding up the process!  Hopefully we can learn to focus on those who we truly enjoy and who can also enjoy us as we are.   Here's to living the most authentic versions of ourselves that we can manage to show up as today.

And here's to making those who don't get us super-nervous by blurting out the most gorgeously soul-revealing things we can muster.

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Crazy

Performed by Gnarls Barkley

I remember when

I remember, I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so pleasant about that place

Even your emotions have an echo in so much space

And when you're out there, without care

Yeah I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Possibly

...

Celebrating that freeing moment when you realize explaining anything to anyone is part of your past not your future.