January 4, 2020 - 113 - "For Whom The Squirrel Tolls"

    

     We have these terrific wind chimes that hang above our hot tub.  They're deep and resonant, and make the yard seem peaceful and magical when they chime. 

     But, you can only enjoy them if you’re willing to personally go move them enough to make sound. 

     The problem is that they are too heavy to be blown by just any passing breeze and the high fences in our backyard keep it pretty calm back there.  Their size makes them sound deep and resonant, but it also means it takes a lot of wind to make them chime.  I love to hear them but it's not that pleasant to hang around outside during the gale force winds it takes to move them.

    But that's no problem because I’ve come up with a genius solution to fix this problem.  

     I've decided I'd like to hire a squirrel to ring the chimes. 

     My preference would be for a little hunchback squirrel (LHS).  The job requires this LHS to live on top of the arbor over the hot tub...or in a nearby tree, if he prefers.  

    The main responsibilities will include climbing down the arbor at regular intervals, preferably with a limp (an actual disability would be prefered, but a plausible feigned limp works too).  Once the squirrel has descended the arbor he will then be required to ring the chimes for the enjoyment of ourselves and/or our guests.  

     Pretty simple gig, really. 

     If you know of any reliable squirrels that meet the above requirements please have them drop by.  We will also accept recently-updated resumes for any promising out-of-town squirrels.

     Photos should be included; headshots and full length, please.  We’ve got a certain look in mind.  Also:  The right candidate for the job must be willing to answer to the name, Quasimodo.

     Remuneration is still being considered.  I’m not sure what the going rate is for this type of work, but I hear squirrels will work for peanuts.

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"A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit."

-Sarah Jessica Parker

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"Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn now and again." 

-this quote was credited to Will Smith...but I feel like Michael Hiett surely said it first.  He's said this as long as I've known him.

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"You can ring my bell, ring my bell
(Ring my bell, ring-a-ring-a-ring)

-Anita Ward

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