November 16, 2019 - 64 - "The Truth Hurts"

How to Piss People Off Without Really Trying

    There are so many ways to annoy passengers and I've pretty much tried them all.  

   Usually not on purpose. 

     A pretty big percentage of passengers come on already mildly to acutely aggravated.  

     Hell, I'm often annoyed when I travel.  Traveling is stressful. 

     So I can piss off passengers just by, ya know, existing on the planet.   They are captives, and I have on a uniform that represents the FAA wanting them not to go to the bathroom during landing, or representing the company that made the aircraft switch, or who knows what other assault on their good mood.  

Is Honesty Really The Best Policy?

   So, yeah, there are endless ways to irritate passengers, but they almost all come under the heading of: Telling the Truth.

   When I started flying I, naively, thought honesty would be an asset when working in customer service.  But honestly it usually does more harm than good.

   The truth must be used with the utmost discretion.  It must be administered in tiny doses at just the right moment.

Lie Like a Rug

   Another title for this post could be "How I Gave Up the Truth and Saved My Sanity.

   I'm not actually advocating lying. 

   Wait, uh yeah, ...I think I am.  

   While I make it a policy never to give passengers flat-out wrong information, if you count lies of omission, then I'm lying nearly constantly.  

   What I don't say could fill volumes.  

   Just a few examples of things I'm not saying:

       "Our pilots haven't even landed yet.  When they do land they are two terminals away.  We're probably not going to leave on time."  If we're at a remote airport with one flight to our destination per day...you're not going to find anyone else to get you there sooner...so why stress out right now?"

       "I truly don't give a crap if your bag 'fit on the last plane'.  Maybe you bought too many souvenirs?  Maybe you packed differently?  Maybe you were on a 777 and now you're on a S80?  Maybe it doesn't matter because we're all here now and we can't go anywhere with your bag in the aisle."

     "The guy next to you is armed.  So is the guy across the aisle from you.  Stop complaining about how airlines aren't looking out for you."  

     "Yes, ma'am, the seats are really small.  Definitely.  But there are bigger people than you all around you suffering in silence.  Does it really help to discuss this?  ...and you would be a little less uncomfortable if you didn't ask for those three extra packages of cookies.  Just (not) sayin'."

        "I happen to know there's weather ahead and we probably won't land on time.  But since all of the other flights will be impacted by this...why bring it up now when nothing can be done about it?"
  

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"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."  

-Robert Benchley

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"Honesty without compassion is cruelty."

-Bruce Kasanoff

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