November 18, 2019 - 66 - Brilliant Inventions Series 1: "Kitty Kamp-Out"

Genius Ideas

      I regularly have ideas for new breakthroughs and inventions.  Just last night I dreamt a new dance.  This is a bit like the Steven Wright joke where he says he wrote a song...but he doesn't read music so he's not sure how it goes.  I invented a dance...but since I can't dance I probably can't demonstrate how to do it.

      So, anyway, I was telling Michael this morning about my latest Genius Invention.  

     He thought I should tell you about it so I'd stop bugging him so you'd get to share the excitement of of this new innovation.   

     It's almost like getting to hang at Menlo Park the morning Thomas Edison thought...  'This candle is messy and needs replacing too much.  Think I'll make an electric one.'

      Are you feeling the excitement?

The Problem:  

      The first thing any good inventor does is to Identify the Problem.

     Picture the scene:  You're hanging around in bed with your favorite feline friend.  (For me, of course, it's Ella).  

     Because even the smallest house cat believes itself to be one of the big cats, they have many panther-ish qualities.  One of these being:  they like their lair.  

     An Ella lair is created when space is made between the bed and the covers.  Say, when I'm working on my laptop and my knees are creating a tent-like area (aka mysterious cave for Ella to explore.)   Ella likes to slip in and peer out menacingly at her prey-to-be.  (Usually me, Michael, or the ribbons on my schedule book.) 

     If I get bored of working I'll sometimes set aside my computer and get under the covers with her.    I call this form of entertainment a Kitty Kamp Out.  This is especially fun and pleasant on cold mornings.  Often Ella will forget for a moment that she's a tiger and I'm her mortal enemy and curl up next to me for a nap.   

     It's heavenly.  Except she will wake up and leave this little slice of heaven in a huff if her 'cave' is not to spec.  Ella has exacting standards of space and comfort.  

     Unfortunately, my limbs are the tent-poles in this scenario, which gets tiring.  

     The minute a part of the tent droops, Ella gets pissed and leaves...thus ending our wintery morning idyll.  

The Solution:  

     In my many hours of Kitty Kamping, as my arms or legs went numb from lack of circulation, I had time to contemplate what would make this situation more sustainable.  

    First I thought of getting some sticks to use as the supports, but they were bound to fall over with the slightest movement.  Plus there's the safety factor.

     Then I thought:  hmmm...some sort of tripod would be the way to go...like for photography.  I thought I could just steal some of Michael's camera tripods, but I immediately thought of some problems with using them.  

     a) Metal would be cold if you brush against it.  b) Metal tripods could be dangerous, should our panther make any sudden moves.

     That's when my Inner Inventor took over and thought of the perfect solutions for these problems.  I mentally added a Nerf-football-esque material to my design making them safer and less jarringly cold.  

     Then I modified the pointy fittings on the tops of camera tripods to be a saucer-type disk.  This would support a Kitty Tent, while avoiding damage to the bedding.

       Voila!  It all came together in my mind!
Here's a rendering of my prototype:

     Obviously it would need to be pink.  Pink would not directly affect the performance of 
the product, but it would affect the ambience of the Kitty Kamp Out experience.  

     Pink, my favorite color, is the obvious choice.  

   So there you have it...Kitty Kamp Out will soon be sweeping the nation!

But Wait, There's More!:

    Sure Kitty Kamp Out will provide countless hours of entertainment for you and your cat...  

    But that's not all!  

     Imagine you've been injured...  

     For example; I once broke my wrist.  It was so swollen and bruised that if a piece of paper brushed against it there was excruciating pain.  

     Think about it:  There you are with a painful injury.  But you still need the bedding over you.

      Say it's cold, or you just feel uncomfortable being outside the covers.  

     This product can keep you warm.  But it will also provide protection against those pesky  monsters and ax murderers which, as everyone knows, will only leave you alone if you are safely under the covers.

     Bam!  KK-O to the rescue.  (Note my rebranding-based-on-use technique?!)

     So...in addition to it's entertainment value, this product can be used in the medical and mental health industry.  

Marketing:   

     I've already got my jingle.  I sing it all the time to Ella when we're Kamping.  Goes like this:
   "Kitty Kamp Out
    Kitty Kamp Out
    Oh how we love a Kitty Kamp Out
    Kitty Kamp Out
    Kitty Kamp Outs
    Are such fun."

     Catchy, no?  

     Ella just loves it when I sing this to her.  

Patent Pending:

    Now all's I've gotta do is type out my application to the US Patent Office and wait for the cash to start rolling in.   

     Something tells me this will be the most successful product ever marketed on late-night TV.    

    Watch out Ginsu knives.  I'm comin' after you! 

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"The best things in life are free - 

and $19.95"

-Billy Mays

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"The infomercial business has been good to me."

-Billy Mays

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