Wednesday, October 30, 2019

October 30, 2019 - 47 - "What I Say vs. What I Mean"

Meaning What I Say

      Once Michael and I were visiting friends in Northern California.  We were walking along a beach.  I had my phone in the pocket of my cardigan.  

     We were barely in the water.  Like we were on the shore and as the waves came in the water would barely make it to us.  Just a thin layer of water would touch our feet, not even over our toes.  Then it would recede leaving the sand shiny wet.

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     As I stopped to look at something, I bent over, and my phone fell out.  The wave was just coming in.  I reached for the phone but it was *poof!*...pulled out to sea. 

     The friend who was near me and I were turning in circles looking for the phone.  It was unbelievable.  No water on the sand when we heard the thud, but by the time my hand reached out towards it, the phone had absolutely vanished.


     "Oh no!  I'm so sorry.  What a drag...",  Michael and our friends said when they learned I'd donated my smart phone to the Pacific Ocean.

     "Oh well, I guess I needed a break from it."  I said.

     And here's the interesting thing:  I meant it.

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      Yes, absolutely, I felt stupid.  Yes, it was an expensive mistake.  Yes, it would probably be time-consuming to get, and set up, a new one.  But, we have insurance on our phones for just such situations, and I had auto back-ups on it.  I knew I wouldn't lose much, if any, of my information.

     On the other hand, I'd been feeling really distractible and thinking I spent too much time on my phone.  I'd been thinking I needed to implement some technology breaks in my days and weeks.  

     I'd also been doing this positivity challenge.  (I do like a challenge.)  

     I was trying not to dwell on anything negative at all.  I'd thought only that morning:  well...it's not much of a challenge when you're on vacation, spending time with great friends in beautiful settings.

    So, bam, thanks for the help on this one, God!  My (only semi-conscious) prayers were answered in a pretty poetic way.  (Careful what you wish for, right?)


    It really wasn't a bad time for it to happen either.  It was toward the end of our trip.  I'd already taken pictures of the beautiful places we were visiting.  (And I knew they'd already been backed up.)  


    Why not just enjoy our time together?   (And I did.  And I meditated on the flight home instead of working on something on my phone.)

     But, taking the zen path is certainly not a constant for me.


Lying Through My Teeth


     The other day Michael was at our place in Mexico. I was on a work trip.  He told me he couldn’t find this painting he'd gotten for us on a business trip to Krakow.  He said he'd looked for it everywhere.

     "Oh.  No worries.  It’ll turn up."  I said.

      But I didn’t mean it.

      At all. 

      I was, totally, lying.  

      It was a small painting.  It wasn't expensive.  He bought it from a sidewalk vendor.  

      But it had special meaning for us, and  I freakin' love that thing!  

Later we had this text conversation:

Michael:  Found the painting!  Hiding in plain sight. On  

     top shelf in guest room. Must have walked through half       a dozen times looking in wardrobe,  under bed, etc. Not 
     sure why/when I put it there. But important thing  - i    
     found it. Not sure I would've slept well tonight if I  
     hadn't.  😱

Me:   Oh, thank goodness!!!! I know I said:  "Oh it'll turn  
   up."  

        But I meant:   "Oh my god I love that painting!!! 
   where is it?!! it can't have gone missing I'll die if you     
   don't find it!  where the hell is it?  oh my god oh my god 
   oh my god!!! where the hell is it??? if anyone took it I 
   will hunt them down to the gates of hell and they will 
   suffer a thousand miseries until it is returned....."

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"Be careful what you wish for;

Not all lost things should be found."

-Moira fowley-Doyle

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"I'm constantly falling in love with objects, and they follow me around the world."

-Lee Radziwill

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