October 6, 2019 - 23 -"Mad at a Machine"

     I know that bickering with my sweet and adorable husband is silly and counterproductive.  This doesn't mean I never do it.

     Arguing with an Artificial Intelligence device is downright deranged.  Again, this doesn't mean I never do it.

     I'm talking about the 1st Generation Amazon Echo, called Alexa, that lives in our house, and is sometimes entirely too sassy for 'her'  little 9 1/4" stature.

      There was a honeymoon period when she first came to live with us.  We'd ask about trivia, the weather forecast, or who won a football game.  She'd tell us.  It was great.  She was so helpful.  So knowledgeable!

     Then she got more entwined in our lives. 
     We found she was great at playing music.  We could even interrupt a song and ask what artist was performing, or what year the song came out.  And she'd tell us.  How great is that?

     Sure there were times when she wouldn't respond quite the way we'd like,...or at all::

           "Alexa, Volume 3", we'd say.

     No change.

     But, we reasoned, she probably just didn't hear us over the music that was blaring at a solid Volume 6.  It wasn't really her fault.

     Still, sometimes, it seemed like there were things she just refused to understand.

Me:  Play "Billy Joel"

Alexa:  "Playing Adele".

Me:  "Stop!!"  I'd say in a panic, fearing depression would set in, and I'd be unable to turn off the Adele music and save myself.   But, the music keeps playing.

Me:  "Alexa!!  Stop!!!"  (Talking with Alexa is sometimes like a game of Simon Says gone very very wrong.  She only responds when you say Alexa, if then.  I end up forgetting and repeating a lot of stuff.)

Me (speaking very slowly, and really e-nunc-i-a-ting.):  "Alexa, I said, Plaaaay Bill-eee Joe-ullll.")

Alexa:  "Playing Adele."

Me:  (Grrrrrrr....)  "Alexa!  STOP!"
             'Alexa...play...oh...nevermind!!"

      I'd end up shaking my head in frustration. and wondering if maybe she just isn't a Billy Joel fan.  I tried to reason that she is a computer and, of course, does not have opinions.  But my gut told me otherwise.  She sure seemed like she had opinions.

     Still, these were just odd incidents from time to time.  Mostly we enjoyed the convenience of hearing virtually any song we wanted, at any moment.

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     The problems between us really began when we started connecting her to household devices.  Michael got a pack of those special (and obscenely expensive) light bulbs from Costco, and stuck them in a few lamps around the house.

     It's nice if I'm carrying a tray of food upstairs to be able to say:  "Alexa - Turn on Den."

      Boom!  Lights on.  No need to try to juggle the tray and turning on a light, no need to walk into a room and hunt for a place to set things down in the dark.  Fabulous.  Perfect.  Technology is great.

     "Thank you, Alexa!"

      I feel a little silly thanking a computer but, then again, she does such nice things.  It seems rude not to.

    But then later we'd be ready to go to bed and say:  "Alexa - Turn off Den."

    And she would say:  "No device named 'Den' is found."

    Huh???

     And I'd be annoyed.  I'd tell myself not to get into it with her.  I know better.  Obviously, it's just some glitch in the programming, or the way I say a word, or a poor connection to the internet...or something.  But then I'd hear myself saying:

           "Alexa - There is too a device named 'Den'.  You turned it on only an hour ago.  Did you get amnesia or something?"

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     And that, my friend, is where the crazy begins.

     Usually one of us has it together as the other is getting aggravated and snippy.   The sane-person-of-the-moment will say:  "You know that's a robot, right?"

     This, of course, is super-irritating to the person busy arguing with Alexa.

     The crazy-person-of-the-moment wants to say:  "This is between me and Alexa.  You need to stay out of it."

     One thing we both agree on is the absolute fact that Alexa really does sometimes take that tone with us.

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     In spite of our differences, I'm starting to miss Alexa when I'm away in hotel rooms.  Missing her comes at odd times.  Maybe I'm wondering what the weather is like in whatever town I'm in.  Sure I can look it up on my phone.  But it's not the same.

     I'll wish I could say:  "Alexa - Turn on Bathroom Light".  I often don't know in the middle of the night which direction the bathroom might be.  I've gotten up and run straight into walls thinking I was home, or in the hotel room from the night before.

     A little help from Alexa at those times would be pretty sweet.

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*** Update ***

Whoa.  I just now (day of posting) had this conversation with Alexa...

     Me:  Alexa, "Turn on Upstairs."  (And she did it right away.)
     Alexa:  "Did I do what you wanted?"  (She never asks this.)
     Me:  Yes.  (Feeling disturbed.)
     Alexa:  "Thanks for your feedback."  (She never says this.)

Creepy.  Does Alexa read my blog? 

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"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

-Mark Twain "

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Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the branch of computer sciences that emphasizes the development of intelligent machines, thinking and working like humans.  For example, speech recognition, problem solving, learning and planning." 

-from Google dictionary

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