December 11, 2019 - 89 - “Toothpaste Wars”

     Day before yesterday I went to brush my teeth.  I opened the top drawer in our bathroom and spied a fresh new tube of toothpaste.

     I let out a triumphant:  "Ha HA!", then said (to myself):  “Victory is sweeeeet!”

      I grabbed the toothpaste and with arms outstretched bore that tube of Sensodyne above my head, as I dramatically high-knee marched into the kitchen-all while singing the Olympic anthem at the top of my lungs.

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Me:   “Duhhh duh da duh da duh duh da dadaduh duhda da da duh da duhhhh...!!!!!”

Michael:  Quit bragging.

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     I won at a game I have been a part of for years but only recently learned I was competing in.

     Michael told me a couple of years ago that when the tube of toothpaste is getting low he tries to squeeze every bit of paste out of the tube so that he won't have to be the one to go find another one and replace it. 

     So for all these years he's been secretly celebrating every time I was forced into a trip to the back-up toiletries cabinet.  (All of 8 steps from our bathroom vanity.  It's not distance, people, it's petiness  the principle that matters.)

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  Michael would have been better off keeping this a secret, because I can be extremely vindictive just love a good challenge.

     Now I go to extreme methods of extraction and  conservation in order to never use the last bit up.

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     All those years Michael was just so gleeful that he was winning (without even telling me the game). 

     Now I am too stubborn to ever admit I'm out of toothpaste.  At this point I'd rather brush with a bare toothbrush than admit defeat.  I am willing to risk my dental health for the sake of winning.

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     Yes.  This is what passes for entertainment over at our house.

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"A good marriage is a contest of generosity."

-Diane Sawyer

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"A great marriage is a contest of toothpaste."

-Susan Stewart

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