She went around quoting chapter and verse from this book for months. The basic premise was that everyone has a primary and secondary 'love language'. Your love language is the way you prefer to receive love.
The 5 Categories are:
-Acts of Service
-Receiving Gifts
-Quality Time
-Words of Affirmation, and
-Physical Touch
People tend to give love in the way they most want to receive love. If a guy wants to mow your lawn for you, he sees that as showing love, and so will feel loved if someone takes his car into the shop for him, or irons his shirts...stuff like that.
His love interest, on the other hand, might just think he likes to work outside. She might tell him how much she loves him and how handsome he is...because her love language may be Words of Affirmation. She may prefer to pay someone to mow the lawn, but want her fellow to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.
The point of the book is that we all need to learn to show love in the way that is meaningful for the people in our lives, rather than in the way we most like to receive love.
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But I haven't been thinking of this book in terms of the people in my life. I've been thinking of this in regards to Ella.
It has become clear to me that the Love Languages for cats are different from humans. I guess that shouldn’t be a surprise. Everything is different for cats than any other species on the planet.
If I go by the way she seems to show love to me: suddenly, and violently, drawing blood if I pet her wrong, puking on the rugs, and requiring me to lie motionless for as long as she wants to nap on me...
Does that make her preferred love languages: Acts of violence, Instances of Illness, and Abject Servitude.
I don’t think so. I think cats have double standards when it comes to what they dish out, and what they wish to receive.
It seems like they view relationship as more a master-slave sort of arrangement than a love connection.
—-
Ella, because of her lack of opposable thumbs, can not get her own Temptation treats from the jar. But, I suspect, if she could...her greatest act of love would be to give me one of her treats.
I think her primary, secondary, and all-engulfing drive in life is the pursuit and consumption of treats.
But I can't imagine she'd share them with me even if she could. I don't take this personally. I can't imagine her sharing these with anyone. The folks at ‘Temptation have clearly tapped into a crack-cocaine stand in for cats.
She'd never give any of her stash to me. I suspect she only tolerates my existence because I can open the jars for her.
—-
I suppose that I show her my primary love languages by the way I treat her. I dish out the Words of Affirmation constantly: "You're such a pretty kitty!", "I missed you so much when I was on my trip.", "You're the best cat ever!"
—-
The good news is Physical Touch is a love language for us both. It may be way down on Ella's list...but still, if she's not actively seeking out or consuming treats, she does like to be pet and scratched and nuzzled. And, in return, she likes to snuggle up next to me.
Maybe, her purring is a kitty form of Words of Affirmation.
That works for me.
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