December 24, 2019 - 102 - “Flight Attendant Christmas”

     So it's Christmas Eve.  I got in just before noon today from flying six days in a row.  I had three two-day trips, so I came home every other night during these six days...briefly.  (Just long enough to upset Ella when I started getting my bags ready again the next morning.)

         I was sick earlier in the month and lost some time that I needed to make up somewhere...and this was when I could pick up trips.  At 28 years of seniority I, just now, am starting to hold off holidays.  (Though I was forced into flying New Year's Day...on reserve (aka Flight attendant hell), but that's a whole 'nother story.)

     I had two trips in a row with a very fun flight attendant named Charmaine.  I have never flown with her before.  I don't even remember ever seeing her before.  And that's what it is to be based in Dallas for the last 22 years.  Even though she flies very high time, and even though we're close to the same seniority...I've never met her.  That's how many flight attendants we have at DFW.

     So, never flew together, then:  2 trips in a row.  It turned out to be a godsend.  She's got a very upbeat personality which is what you want when you're flying a long stretch in a row. 

Anyway, here are some tidbits from the last six days to give you a feel for what it's like to crisscross the country around the holidays:

Holiday Highs and Lows 

     -On one flight we had three different people bring us little treats.  One of our captains got us Garrett's Chicago Mix popcorn.  (also known as:  flight attendant crack...it's a mix of cheddar cheese popcorn and caramel corn.  Once you start eating it, it's hard to stop.  If you get sick of the sweet...you start eating the salty...and so on...and so on...)  A passenger gave us all Ghirardelli chocolate squares, and another passenger brought us brownie bites from the Admirals Club.  So sweet...literally, and metaphorically.

     -The kids dressed in holiday outfits to go see Grandma and Grandpa rock!

     -We had so many passengers expressing appreciation for our Christmas uniform additions.  It's fun when they are positive about our efforts to make the flights fun.

    -Then there were the drunken ones...  

     We had several passengers we had to deny liquor.  One came with a notice from an agent that he was "on medication" and was not allowed to drink.  We can't knowingly board a drunk passenger.  Since I'm not sure how the agent would know that he was 'on medication'...I'm thinking her Christmas present to him was to let him on the flight, while being sure he didn't get any other drinks.  

     But, of course, he came back to the galley before the seatbelt sign was turned off in flight wanting a drink.  A double, of course.  

     Others we had to cut off because their fellow passengers complained they were inebriated.  We had one passenger who revealed his level of intoxication by yelling at the top of his lungs that we'd taken forever to get to him and he was ready to MAKE MERRRRRYYYYYY!!!!!  (Response:  I'm so sorry, sir, but no merry for you.) 

    -Then there was the turbulence.  A lot of choppy choppy air.  We flew through some really crap weather.  There were things flying around the cabin, passengers vomiting and crying, and a flight attendant had to be removed from the trip halfway through.  She got slammed into an armrest trying to strap in when we hit unexpected and dramatic turbulence.

     -This morning on the crew van a new hire flight attendant excitedly told us she'd been able to pick up a Paris trip for Christmas Day.  (Ah....to be a young and enthusiastic flight attendant, thrilled to sign up for jet lag and holidays far from home.  My first five years was all about Europe and South America, and I loved it.  Now if I'm more than a three hour flight from home I get majorly homesick.)

     If Europe trips get put on the trade board they go fast.  This flight attendant saw it and snapped it up as quick as she could. 

     We were all discussing fun options for her layover.  We were asking about how long the layover was.  Another flight attendant looked over her shoulder at the trip schedule...

She said:  "uh...that's not Paris.

New Hire:  What???

"That's Frankfurt."

"I thought FRA was France." 

     In the end we convinced her this was a golden opportunity because of how magic Christmas is in Germany.  She got over her disappointment pretty admirably.  (And vowed to revisit her city codes studies.)

     We, of course, then razzed her mercilessly for the rest of the trip.  Imagining her getting off the plane and greeting everyone with a cheerful:  "Bonjour!",  and asking "Which way to the Eiffel Tower?"  and thinking:  "There sure are a lot of German tourists in Paris for Christmas!"

     -And then there's always that event during trips where you think; Never say you've seen it all. 

     I went up to the first class galley and was talking to the girl who was accidentally going to Germany for Christmas.  I asked about a specific passenger of hers.  He was behaving strangely during boarding and I wondered how it was going with him.  

     "Oh, yeah, you missed it...  I looked up a minute ago.  He was leaning over his bag getting something out, and his dentures fell out on the floor."

     (And...yeah...he just picked them up and put them right back in.)  

      

     Alrighty then.

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     Of course, the best thing at my life stage about flying around Christmas is always:

          COMING HOME!!!!

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"Oh there's no place like home for the holidays 

'cause no matter how far away you roam 

When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze 

For the holidays you can't beat home sweet home!  

I met a man who lives in Tennessee and he was heading for 

Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie 

From Pennsylvania folks are traveling

 down to Dixie's sunny shore 

From Atlantic to Pacific, gee, the traffic is terrific."

-Al Stillman

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