Just Another Day
On Friday when I went to work I thought it was my first trip of four for the month. 96 hours later I'd gone from assuming I'd just be flying less in the next few months, to knowing this one was my last trip for 7 months.Instead of working one flight to Boston with almost no passengers, I was rescheduled to deadhead to Charlotte, and then to Boston. That first flight to Charlotte was almost full.
Too Hip - Gotta Go
I'd seen messages about the company offering leaves, but I just thought 'those are for people who are in poor health or the primary care giver for someone in ill health.'That full flight made me suddenly interested in what the leaves included.
I started looking for information right then, and got the final answers I needed from our accountant on Monday. The deadline to put in for a leave was at 11:59 pm Monday night. I was sure all weekend I’d take the leave, but some new information came to light on Monday afternoon and I wavered. Would things get better? Would we cap flights? Would I be getting paid not to fly instead of putting us in a financial fix?
As much as I tried to learn about the leaves, it was disturbing to think of all the things I still didn't know or understand, (or have a way to find out without the crystal ball I've been wishing for so often lately.) So, I made the best choice I could with the information at hand.
Oh - This is Really Happening
Bid results for anything, from our monthly schedules to vacation, always seem to take ten times longer than anyone expects. I was poised to wait it out.But not this time.
By mid-day Tuesday I was officially without a job for six months. Plus the rest of this month, because I dropped trips. Plus a good part of November because, oddly enough, that's when I have vacation.
My head was reeling last night. Every day seems to last a week lately. I was surprised to realize that from the moment I had the thought of maybe, possibly, taking a leave, to the time I was officially out of work...was barely four days.
 |
| It's kind of poetic and sweet that the carpet in the hotel is appropriately ugly for my swan song trip. |
It turned out; it was me.
I was so distracted with all the strangeness of flying these days: no one in the hotel, people in gloves and masks, having to walk deserted streets for blocks to go to one of the few restaurants open near our hotel, the fear of getting and spreading a potentially deadly disease... I was disoriented to see someone standing right in front of me as the door opened, and it took me a second to realize I was looking into a mirror directly across from the elevator.
I had my phone in my hand and snapped a photo.
I met my crew, compared notes about our layover, and got in the van. On the way to the airport I thought of the picture and thought I'd text it to Michael. I found it and unexpectedly got really choked up. My eyes filled with tears. That’s when I thought of the possibility of a leave, the uncertain future of airlines...the uncertain future in general, and wondered: When will I fly again?
Everything feels a bit more emotional and fraught than normal 'out there'.
I quickly reined in the stream of depressing and frightening thoughts that were occurring to me. I thought if I were to start crying I might not stop.
A quick pep-talk followed where I reminded myself that I could take the time off without any really dramatic repercussions, and that made me very lucky. That I was going home to Michael and would get to stay there. This leave is good for me, and good for newer flight attendants who really want and need the hours.
One 'Last' Thing
Every moment seemed to become a 'last' for the past few days.The last time I went through the Known Crew Member Line, the last time I checked in with the agent as a crew member.
My last crew, last boarding, last time in uniform, last passengers, last take off, last landing...last time to say goodbye to passengers, the last time to get my belongings together and leave the plane...
Through a lot of that I guess I was still in a state of shock and disbelief.
Then I came home and didn't just take empty plasticware out of my lunch bag to wash; I emptied out all of the pockets of the bag to make sure I didn't have anything in them I might need in the next half year. Same thing with my suitcase.
I'd started switching out my winter clothes for spring before I left on the trip. Now I realized there was no need to devote a couple of feet of rod space to uniforms I won't be wearing again until fall.
So I packed them all away in bins. That was extra-surreal. We only started wearing the new uniform on March 2. Some of my pieces still need to be tailored. There were still old uniform pieces hanging in amongst the new.I kept reminding myself how lucky I am to be able not to fly, how happy I am to have the option to take time off when flying is so incredibly strange, how now I have time to implement all sorts of projects and plans, and I just kept going through the motions...
But, seriously? In four days I went from flying into the foreseeable future...to having all my uniforms out of my closet and packed away in bins. How did that even happen?
---
Then this morning Michael said he was going out for a walk and I said: "Have a good walk. I'll miss you."
And, pathetically, I started bawling.
Michael said: "I've been waiting for this."
I guess I should see this reaction as a good indicator that I really do like my job. (And, also, that these are crazy times forcing everyone to make choices they never envisioned.)
Still, I hope to remember this sadness when things are back to normal and full flights are only bad because they're busy and chaotic. (...she said, hopefully.)
---
Hugs to you all during this very strange time.
---
"Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."
-C.S. Lewis
---
"A problem is a chance for you to do your best."
-Duke Ellington
---
.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for dropping by my blog!
Please share your Daily Hits of Happy. After all... shared happiness is doubled.