La-La-La - I'm Not Listening!
Michael came downstairs the night before last. (Is that all? It seems like weeks.)
He looked strange.
Me: "What's wrong?"
Michael: "I've had some pretty earth-shaking news."
Me: "What?" I didn't really want to know. My brain started going haywire. There's so much bad news these days...and Michael tends to take things in his stride. For him to look this disturbed, it must be a nuclear holocaust of an American city, a giant tsunami taking out the west coast, or war, pestilence...
But then he told me something far worse, and far more unexpected. It turned out to be about the most unexpected thing I could have imagined.
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He told me that a couple we know, who have been married forever (and ever and ever)...and who were known by all in a particular circle of friends as the happiest married couple of all time...
He'd just been told that they were getting divorced.
Can't Share Details Until All Family Members Have Been Notified
I can't say too much to explain just how shocking this is. They were connected to several very wide friend circles and communities that we are also in. The fact is, they were just the perfect couple in every way.
I'm trying to think of a way to illustrate how completely hard to process this is. I'm talking about That Couple. The couple that everyone knew as blissfully happy, completely compatible, and emotionally connected to the nth degree.
In this age of everyone splitting up, it's hard to paint the picture of what I'm talking about. Prince Charles and Lady Diana split up. Back in the day no one thought that could happen. But it's worse than that.
Maybe like when Bennifer broke up. That seemed shocking. Then the couple that broke Benniefer up: Brangelina. Well, they split up.
And, well, you start to think that there are no fairy tales. That nothing last forever.
We don't even expect it to anymore. It's almost more of a miracle that anyone stays together for two weeks.
So it's hard to explain this. I'm trying to go back to an old-school public couple. A couple that really seemed solid.
It's like, maybe, if Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman had broken up after 50-something years of marriage.
But, no, it's even more than that. It's like if you heard Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter decided it just wasn't working out.
You'd be thinking: What? After so much history? So many memories? So many connections? What????...
But, for us, it's even more than that.
The closest I can come up with to illustrate the shock level of this event, is if you heard that Mr. and Mrs. Clause were filing for divorce.
Yeah. That's definitely getting warmer. It's like, wait! What? Are they even allowed to do that? You just can't wrap your brain around it.
You just keep thinking: But they're so perfect together. They've gotten along and made it work for all those years. Look at all they accomplished!
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Then all the many, many, ramifications start to set in...
What about all of the little children around the world who count on them to make Christmas wonderful? !
Wait! Who's going to get the toy factory in the settlement? Who's getting the house at the North Pole? Who'll carry on their legacy?
Gasp! You suddenly realize even greater implications.
Your heart sinks, yet again. You feel like you've been sucker-punched when you think:
What about the Elves?!
Who'll look out for them? How are they all taking this news? Somebody needs to get some counselors up to the North Pole stat! The whole community is affected.
No. The whole world is affected!
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Oh my Lord!!!! Is there nothing we can count on?!
The world is truly ending!
...But Then The News Gets Stranger
But, in the past two days, we've talked to both the husband and the wife, and learned they've been having trouble for more than 30 years!!
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Okay, I'm feeling faint. I'd better go put my head between my legs for a moment. Breathe. Breathe....
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Alright...I'm back.
So, they both said this. They said things like 'they never felt truly connected.' They have been to counseling four separate times. (!!!).
What?!?
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It's just shocking. This made us feel almost a little duped.
No, it's not really our business to be told when friends are going to counseling... But then again, it feels weird to never get an inkling in all this time.
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Suddenly everything is meaningless:
-We know nothing.
-This world is just one big crapshoot.
Woe woe woe is us! Is nothing sacred? Is everything we believe in, just a fantasy!?
Looking For 'Tells'
We started looking for 'tells'. What was said the last time we got together? Where were the clues?
They seemed so open. Even friends much closer than us had no idea.
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You can't help but thing: Is there hope for anyone?
Michael and I always say that no one can know what a relationship is like, really, except the two people in it.
Not Our Business...and yet...
It's not our business to know anyone else's relationship. However, it really does affect everyone in a community. Studies show that when one couple in a group split up, divorce rates increase among the couples they're friends with.
In this case, it affects a lot of people's world view.
Michael was right. It's is earth shaking. It's a 7.8 on the Richter scale. Lots of damages. Lots of casualties.
The shockwaves will be felt around the world.
It was also Michael who mentioned The Star Wars line about a disturbance in The Force.
That is an understatement.
Beliefs Out The Window
Hypothetically, I think that all experiences happen exactly as they are meant to. Life isn't happening 'to us- t's happening 'for' us. Blah blah blah...
Then life hits you over the head with a 'What the heck is this b.s?!' thing...and my foundations of belief are rocked.
And, once again...I just don't know.
Daily Hits of Happy
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"Each couple's version of intimacy is so fascinating to me. A friend will tell me about her marriage, and I'll think, 'Yikes, they have horrible communication! They're going to get divorced!' And then I'll hear about them at another time and think, 'Wow, they love each other so much!'
-Miranda July
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"Divorce is contagious.
That's right -
when you have a close couple friend split up,
it increases your chances of getting a divorce by 75 percent."
-Jenny McCarthy
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