July 22, 2020 - 313 - "The Waiting Is The Hardest Part"

Of Thinking and Thermometers 

     Tick tick tick...

     The soundtrack of this whole pandemic seems to be a ticking clock.  There's the one on the time-bomb we're calling Covid-19.  And the ones on each next event. 

     Seems like the slow-moving clock and calendar have been counting down to the next thing:  The next trip, or the last work trip before taking a leave.  The stimulus check, or even an order from Amazon or the grocery store.  

    There are fewer and fewer actual dates and deadlines on the calendar, so it seems like the few tiny ones that are left get more brain cells devoted to them than they ever did. 

     It makes me think of people before computers and phones.  I get a sense of what waiting for a letter in the mail must have been like; how equally exciting and tormenting.

Leaving The House

     We counted down to a couple of trips.  Michael going to Toledo to help care for his dad happened, most other planned trips didn't.  But we did recently go to Colorado for a few days.  

      It took forever for it to get here.  Then we stressed about it:  Should we go?  Should we stay home?  If this thing will last more than a year should we have some semblance of a life?  Or continue to be home 24/7? 

     In the end, we decided to spend time in a safe place with four other people who'd been homebound as much as we have been.  

     We were glad we did.  And yet...

Cootie Countdown

     It started the clock ticking again:  It's now been 10 days since we left on the trip.  So, most likely, we didn't get infected with the virus on the way up.  

      Now we're counting from when we got home...and remembering any and every nanosecond where we might have been infected.  I probably should say 'I', somehow I'm the nervous one these days.

    I've checked my temperature a lot.  That poor thermometer has been getting a workout with this pandemic.

   

Fear-Based Life or Reasonable Concern?

     In the past, I wouldn't have stressed about going somewhere.  My answer to any proposed adventure has usually been:  Yes!   Let's go.

     Through all types of other threats:  from SARS to terrorists, to concerns over the safety of an Airbus...my reaction was:  

            Hell, yes!  I won't be kept at home by fear.

      But this threat is much more immediate - so much more possible.  The costs are higher than just what could happen to me personally.  Not only do I not want to be sick, but I also don't want to get anyone else sick.  Not Michael, or my parents.  And I wouldn't want to be one more person taking up a bed in a hospital, or needing help from the already-overtaxed first responders.  

Decisions

    So we weighed all the possibilities, took all possible precautions, and decided to go on this one.  But now I'm back to checking my temperature multiple times per day, wondering about any and every little cough, sniff, or moment of feeling tired.  

     Then I have to wonder if it's worth it? 

     Will it, eventually, be worth it to go check on our place in Mexico? 

     All I really know is that, at the moment, it sure feels good to be at home with nothing on the calendar.

Nowhere to Hide 

   It doesn't end when we're 'safe at home.'  Since we've been back I've wondered if I washed my hands enough after I put away a grocery delivery.   Or if I picked up a germ when I wiped the back of my hand on my maskless face after getting the mail?  

    And then the clock starts ticking again...

Daily Hits of Happy

     -I discovered Tom Petty late in life, but am glad I did.  All the guys in high school who told me how great he was...didn't seem like guys whose musical tastes I'd dig.  I was wrong.  

     -Connections.  Happy ones.

     -Ella dozing on the pillow on my desk.

     -Feeling healthy.  

     -Being able to work out.

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"The waiting is the hardest part 

Every day you see one more card  

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart 

The waiting is the hardest part"

-Tom Petty

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"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, 

so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  

-  E. M. Forster

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"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave."  

-Rainer Maria Rilke

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"The world is full of magical things patiently 

waiting for our wits to grow sharper."

-Bertrand Russell

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